Dominance of a Walking Douchebag
by Thugs Bunny 009
Summary: Stranded in a strange land? Yeah it was a challenge but it was simple enough to overcome. Attending a school full of monsters? That was a walk in the park. Godlike!Naruto
1. Welcome to Generic Land

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Plot+Convenience. I mean Cheese+Corn. I mean Panty+Shot. Yeesh. So many names.**

 **Title alone should tell ya all you need to know. If you're looking for a thought-provoking story, get out because you won't find it here. Naruto's just going to be a walking-talking douchebag of sheer carnage, kind of like how Superman sauntered through Goku's Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan (fucking stupid name by the way) charged kamehameha, grabbed him by the throat and fried his brain.**

 **The biggest shock was that he actually had one.**

* * *

" _Are you sure about this, Naruto-oniisama?" A nondescript boy barely important enough to be named let alone described timidly asked his brother. He didn't know what was odder. His step brother practically turning up on his doorstep bleeding out one day or some guy probably drunk off of his ass "conveniently" dropping a scholarship for him to find._

" _Yeah man. I got this," Naruto assured, his dress sense was one of delinquency, consisting of a white short sleeved-top over a long-sleeved orange jumper to accentuate the orange bandana wrapped around his neck and oval-shaped, orange-tinted sunglasses. Baggy, dark blue slacks enhanced his image and a pair of orange Benjamin's topped the proverbial stereotyped cake._

 _Naruto still retained his two most distinguished features, his mane of spiky, Super Saiyan-esque golden yellow hair, a few strands sticking out of his orange cap which was turned sideways on his head, and his trios of cat-like whiskers on each of his cheeks._

" _Something doesn't seem right," His brother said, "I mean, that flyer got delivered to me so shouldn't I be going?"_

" _No," Naruto deadpanned, slinging his sack-bag over his shoulder, "What doesn't seem right is a random-ass guy just dropping a convenient scholarship to the dumbest kid in our school," He tilted his sunglasses down slightly with his middle finger, eyeing his brother's cringe insouciantly, "That'll be you if you didn't know."_

" _Gee. Thanks for the vote of confidence."_

" _You're welcome shrimp," Naruto replied in kind, straightening his glasses, "'Sides, would ya really have wanted to go to a place called "Yokai academy?" Really? C'mon Tsukune-chan. I know you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but even you should know what a name like "Yokai" should entail."_

 _Tsukune winced, "Yeah I guess."_

 _The sound of a heavy engine pulled up beside them._

" _Well, here's my ride," Naruto said, no semblance of sentimentalities evident on his face, "Take care of our folks, would ya? Someone's gotta keep 'em from going nuts, and I'll tell ya one thing it ain't going to be me."_

" _Sure thing, Naruto," Tsukune said, "Please take care of yourself and call us if yo-."_

" _Quit worrying!" Naruto commanded boisterously, jerking a thumb at himself, "This is me we're talking about. Not some nameless fodder selected off of the streets, kinda like you," He jumped on the steps of the bus, turning around to toss Tsukune a two-fingered salute, "Deuces."_

XxX

Dominance of a Walking Douchebag

 **O**

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Welcome to Generic Land

 _Ring, Ring._

A tired groan escaped Naruto's mouth at the sound of ring tone going off. Stretching himself out on the backseat on the surprisingly empty bus, Naruto dug through his pocket for his cell phone, flipping it up and putting it against his ear, all without sitting up.

"Man. Who's this?" He asked grouchily, propping an arm over his eyes.

" _Naruto,"_ A distressed female voice was heard.

"Okay, so you've ascertained my identity, good job," He mumbled acerbically, "Wanna cookie?"

" _Can you quit being a jerk_ _for a minute_?" She sobbed.

"Whoa. And you've figured out my profession? You're good."

" _It's Ranma!_ "

"That guy?" He asked in bored recognition, earning himself a squeaked hum of confirmation, "What about him?"

" _He's dead!"_

"He is?" Naruto's eyes remained unconcerned, bored and cold as the snow itself, "Well sucks to be him," He rang up the phone, jamming it back into his pocket, "Another wannabe bites the dust in the ghetto," There was no time to pity fools who were stupid enough to get a cap busted in their asses.

"Hey, kid," The bus driver's sneering voice echoed out throughout the bus.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Naruto said in annoyance, "Can't a guy get some shuteye around here?"

Just like Naruto moments before, the bus driver was unconcerned despite the youngster's obvious annoyance, "You're the new student?" He asked, only the top half of his body was visible. The rest was masqueraded by the light that deflected off of the window, leaving only his sneer and weirdly glowing eyes tangible.

"Now what kinda stupid-ass question is that?" Naruto said, tucking his arms behind his head, "If I wasn't going to this "Yokai Academy" do you think I would be on this bus? C'mon son. That's Tsukune-level dumbassery right there."

"In that case I would watch my back if I were you. That's one scary-ass school."

"Yeah, well, if it's half as scary as your face I think I'll do just fine."

"Let's see you keep that confidence after you spend a day there."

The light was consumed by a vast darkness the likes of which were only found in a tunnel.

"Finally!" Naruto exhaled in exaggeration, sweeping off of his makeshift bed and to the ground, eyeing his surroundings, "Through the rabbit hole we go, I guess," He noted the distinctive chakra signatures of his surrogate family leave his radius, alluding to only one conclusion, "Travelled to a different dimension." Wouldn't be the first time. Only this time he felt incredibly underwhelmed instead of overwhelmed as he was when he initially arrived on Planet Normal.

"What? The? Hell? Is? This?" Naruto said bizarrely, pronouncing every word of his slack-jawed sentence as though they were their own sentence to increase his befuddlement. Gazing out the window, he found an ocean of red blood stretching on infinitely, and the surroundings lacked any semblance of flora and fauna, 'Man It's like I'm looking at someone's overly clichéd horror movie.'

The driver misinterpreted Naruto's underwhelmed sensation as fear, "Hehehe. Scared already, kid? Guess that bravado of yours couldn't hold up forever, huh?"

"Yeaaahhhh," Naruto said with sarcasm oozing from his tone, grabbing his sack-bag and standing up, moving to the front of the bus, "Scared of what goes on in someone's head."

The driver got the implications of Naruto's sarcasm, but didn't show any signs of apologizing for his mistake, "Good luck kid," He said, opening the door, "You're gonna need it."

"We'll see about that," He said, jumping off of the steps in a brassy manner, landing in a crouch in front of a pumpkin-headed scarecrow, "You just make sure to get your eyes checked out."

"Will do," Sarcastically said, the doors closed and the bus drove off in reverse to whence it came from.

Naruto sighed, eyeing the welcoming sign in the sticks of the pumpkin-headed scarecrow's arms, "Well, time to venture through clichéd land, I guess," He turned, his deadpanned expression becoming more profound at the sight of a haunted house-esque building he could only guess was the academy, " _And_ now the academy's designed as a haunted house too. This blows!"

Slamming his hands down on the ground in petulant anger, rupturing it from the immense pressure of his blow, Naruto tussled his shoulders, then marched off through the woods in a grouchy demeanour.

"Maybe I shoulda just let Tsukune come here after all if this is all it has to ultimately offer," He mumbled, observing the decayed trees with bored glances of utter disinterest, "This is gotta be someone's stupid idea of a joke." Someone with the otherworldly ability to literally distinguish this territory from Planet Normal, but still.

"Coming through!~" A female's voice bubbled.

Pivoting on his heels, Naruto's eyes lifted slightly behind his orange-tinted lenses before he was forced to act quickly or run the risk of tanking a head on collision from an luscious bubble-gum-haired girl. All it took was the palm of his hand to keep the bicycle from ploughing him over, though the amount of force behind the charge was recoiled on the girl and she was sent flying off of her seat.

"Gotcha," One slick dematerialization later, and Naruto was now beneath the falling angel, readying his arms, which she surprisingly fluttered into like a delicate feather, her long creamy legs only slightly impeded by her skimpy short skirt and socks draping over his arms, 'Well, I'll be damned. I struck rich here.' His eyes, only slightly annoyed by her green blazer jacket not being orange, roamed her body with delight, coming to the conclusion her heavenly moulds were double C-cup.

"I'm sorry!" She gasped, her emerald-coloured eyes of unsullied purity looking startled up at his sunglasses-clad face.

"Hey, don't sweat it," Naruto said, softening his perverted grin to a charming smile, "We all make mistakes, y'know?"

"Yeah I guess," She said sheepishly, feeling reassured by an intangible blanket of warmth spreading around her form, 'So warm,' She noted, almost attempted to snuggle into the young man emitting such a divine aura.

"What's your name lady?" Naruto asked, carefully sliding the young woman's feet to the ground, feeling delightfully smug when her wobbly legs took her back into his torso, "Careful."

"I'm sorry!" She backed off, conjoining her arms in the centre of her chest shyly, "It's just you-."

"It's cool," Naruto shrugged before tactically explaining, "Folks say I have that sorta effect on 'em. Hell if I know what they mean though."

"Wow!" Wonderment shone brightly on her face, "You must be a really strong monster."

'Bingo. I knew this place couldn't have been a normal school,' Naruto's eyes narrowed, though his sunglasses masqueraded his contemplative expression, "Meh," He shrugged, "What monster are you honey?"

"I'm a vampire!" She sang cheerfully, giving Naruto a view of her fangs.

"Nice."

"Hmm," Shyly twiddling her foot with her arms now tucked behind her back, "I shouldn't really be telling you this, but if you don't mind vampires," She lifted up her hands, cupping the rosary above her breasts, consequently intensifying Naruto's stare, "But this rosary seals away from true powers. If it were ever removed, I would turn into my true form, a powerful vampire."

*Clink*

"Yoink!" Naruto said playfully, twirling the removed rosary in his hands.

"My," Eyes widened, the pink-haired vampire could feel a radiance of pure energy pulsing through her body, "Rosary…" With a soft gasp, her soft, innocent pink eyes hardened into a cold red and a brilliant spray of silver swept over her once cherry-blossomed hair. Although the increases Naruto diligently noted the most – energy increased among others – were the inflation of her gorgeous bosom and juicy rear.

"Holy cow!" He drooled, "Dang honey. You just went from an A to an A plus in my book."

 **When the rosary seal around Moka's breasts is removed, Moka's innocent-self vanishes as her inn-.**

"Who the fuck is that?" Naruto asked, hastily observing his surroundings.

"I have no idea," Moka said, coolly tucking the bangs of her long silvery hair back behind her shoulder.

"The only useful piece of info I got from that monologue was your name," Naruto grinned, sweeping his nostrils with his index finger, "Name's Naruto by the way."

"Charmed," She said sarcastically.

"Question."

"Go on."

"Who's the real Moka? You or that other naïve Moka?" Naruto asked, squinting his eyes behind his lenses as he cupped his chin, "'Cuz to be honest with ya, I much prefer you to the other one, even know she's nice. You're just so much more kickass than her it's not even funny."

A sly smirk tugged at the lips of the hardened warrior Moka as she at least appreciated the bumbling oaf's honesty, "Why is that any concern of yours?" Even still, she didn't feel attached to him enough to share her personal secrets.

"Oh?" Naruto smirked, "Guess we're gonna have to do this the hard way, eh babes?"

"Oh?" She realized, propping a hand on her hip, "You actually think you can defeat me?"

"Baby, I have more power in my pinkie than you do in your whole body," Naruto teased, holding up his pinkie finger.

"You should know your place," Moka scoffed, unintentionally giving Naruto a glorious view of her white panties by lifting her leg up, pivoting on her heels and slamming a heel kick against Naruto's unmoving finger, "What?"

"Told ya," Naruto quipped.

"You just got lucky, fool!" Moka said defensively, unleashing a furry of Chun-li-esque kicks on Naruto, getting each one parried away from his smallest finger, 'Damn it! What the hell is this guy? I can't even budge him?'

"Would ya give it up babes?" Naruto playfully commanded, effortlessly stopping Moka's bombardment from grabbing her waists, sneering at her scowl. Having manned up over the months, now he loved angry women, simply because they could no longer push him around, "Gotcha."

"I think you're forgetting something?" Moka smirked, not offering any resistance.

"So then refresh my memory, would ya?" Naruto requested, instantly blocking a dirty knee aimed for his family jewels from Moka, "Ha! Oldest trick in the book!" Like a baseball, he chucked Moka toward a tree, easily closing the distance he had put between them and driving his forearm against her throat, pinning her to the tree.

Feeling subjugated as though she was kneeling before her father, Moka felt her sealed personality, strong-willed and self-assured, tag itself out for her unsealed mentality, soft and submissive, "Damn. What do you want?"

"Haha!" Naruto chortled, "Day~um! If I knew this was all it woulda taken to mellow out a tsundere I woulda dominated Sakura years ago!"

"What did you say?" Moka's eyes widened in outrage.

"You heard me."

"I'm not a tsundere!"

"Oh your reaction was so tsundere m'dear!"

Moka scowled passively, squirming softly against Naruto's scrawny form, "What do you want?" She whispered, almost resigning herself to her fate.

"Easy," Naruto lifted up the rosary, giving it a shake for good measure, "I want you to tell me what's up with the strong you essentially locking yourself into vulnerability," That was basically it. Naruto didn't have to be a genius to know he could so easily manipulate her with a few kind words.

He basically had her in his hands without ever even telling her his name!

"And why do you want to know so much?" She asked.

"Oh, just so I can pay the guy who had the bright idea to do so a visit," He said casually, making Moka widen her eyes, "Depending on your answer, I might just kill him… or her," Because discriminating genders as a ninja could cost a fool his life.

"Oh? You really think you can?" She smirked, letting off a round of titters, "Are you really so egotistical that you fee-."

"It has nothing to do with that!" Naruto shouted, startling Moka, "I just don't like to see injustice!"

"I see," Moka said in a calm understanding tone. The serenity in his words and his anger almost made her feel sorry for the person she was going to chaperone him too, but considering his initial attitude she could get over him fairly easy, "Fine. Let's go."

"To who?"

"My father."

* * *

 **You know, I've never seen an anime abuse plot convenience has much as Rosario+Vampire did. I'll give ya an example.**

 **Outer Moka, being the bleeding heart she is, decides she doesn't want to "abandon" Yukari and goes off to find her, but she neither has a clue nor an inherent ability to ascertain her whereabouts, so how the fuck does she find her? She just does, conveniently appearing when these pricks were about to cut her out of the poorly written script.**

 **Surely, they're not just going to let them have their overly dramatic, sappy moment, are they? They do. Then Yukari miraculously gains Narutoverse-like speed to bit one and stop their charge. So now you're thinking surely now she'll get what's coming to her. She doesn't because Tsukune coincidentally materializes before her to take the blow, then Kurumu saves the both of them. WTF? Finally Tsukune "accidentally" removes the rosary, and Inner Moka teaches the forcefully inept bullies their places.**

 **Like BULL. FUCKING. SHIT any of that would've happened logically.**

 **Another example of this show abusing plot-convenience would be Kurumu lunging at Tsukune and Outer Moka in her introductory episode. She takes AGES to actually fucking reach them, conveniently giving Tsukune the time he needs to whip the rosary off of Outer Moka and have inner Moka teach Kurumu her place.**

 **Ridiculous.**


	2. Bitchified

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Rosario+Vampire. One day, I'm gonna get the rights to these series, then I'm gonna plagiarize other series, partly due to my lack of originality, but mostly so I can sued for copy right infringement. Then all rights of Naruto would go to Kenchi618 and all rights of Rosario+Vampire would go to Ryūhei Tamura, then we'll get a badass Yusuke-like Naruto and an Oga-like Tsukune by two competent authors.**

 **Yes, my masterful plan can't be stopped by any meddling kids. *Taps fingers together in a generically evil fashion* Mwhahahahahaha**

* * *

"Ahh!"

A cutesy-wootsy red head girl slouching against the wall of a massive castle yawned, stretching her arms up. With her strawberry-hued hair tied up in two pigtails, the girl had two distinctive shades of leaf-coloured eyes suspiciously similar with a certain outer personality of a certain vampire.

Over her skinny legs, which had a light complexion to them, were black tights stretching up to her short brown skirt. A red, sailor fuku jacket with a white-collar emphasized her developing hips, though it was left mostly unbuttoned save for the middle section, leaving her white undershirt visible. Tied around the collar was a pink ribbon

"Eh?" She blinked, her emerald-eyes spotting the familiar figure of her sister in all her hardened, authentic glory sauntering forward next to a handsome thuggish man, "Big sis?" She stood, rubbing the sleep out of her eye to make sure she wasn't imaging things. Nope. The image remained true.

"Big sis!~" She sang happily, meeting her sister half-way, blinking at the silhouetted young man beside her, "Who's he?"

"Kokoa," Moka acknowledged calmly, sparing a glance at the delinquent to find him giving her a Yusuke-like teasing troll face, "No one. Just a fool walking death's row."

"Well now, Mocha-chan."

"You did not just call me that!" Moka said harshly.

"You never told me you had such a cute sister," He teased, crouching down to better observe the girl's blush accentuating one of his favourite colours since meeting his mother atop her crown, "Hey, sweetie. I'm Naruto."

"I'm Kokoa," She said, sheepishly rubbing her arm from the invisible blanket of warmth shrouding her form. Still, much like her sister's real self, she didn't want to be so easily swept off of her feet by a man of any kind like she was a weak damsel, thus donned the bravado, "And I'm a vampire so don't mess with me bub!"

"Sure are!" Naruto cooed, playfully pinching the girl's cheeks, "Aw, your attempts of frontin' are so cute y'know."

"Stop it!" She squirmed, crying out for assistance in a tone that suggested she really didn't want the help, "Big sis, help!"

"Crying out for help, are we? How disappointing. Here had me thinking you were a badass vampire Ko-chan."

"Shut up!"

'I just can't figure this guy out,' Moka mulled over, one arm wrapped around her sides and the other one cupping her chin thoughtfully, 'One moment he's a sweetheart with my sister and my other half, and the next he's Satan's incarnate,' She smirked slyly at the irony of Naruto calling her a tsundere, "Who's the tsundere now, Naruto?"

Naruto froze, his hands falling limply off of Kokoa's cheeks. Even the redhead puffing out her cheeks in a delightfully cute fashion in an attempt to show anger wasn't enough to restore his mojo, "Girl, I ain't no tsundere," He denied, standing up.

"Oh really?" Moka eyed the blond with amusement in her red eyes, "Because you know, your reaction was so tsundere, _m'dear,_ " Naruto cringed at having his own words thrown back in his face. That sly fox-esque vampire.

"Yeah! You're so tsundere you big dummy jerk!" Kokoa agreed in her own tsundere demeanour.

Naruto wrapped his arms behind his head, comically marching forward to the castle's entrance in a manner of delinquency, his legs stomping the ground from either side as he did, "Yeah, yeah I've joined the tsundere club. Happy?"

"Delighted," Moka confirmed.

"Where are you going?" Kokoa asked.

Naruto stopped his weird marching stride and turned his head over his shoulder, answering the girl as though he was complimenting the weather, "Just going to kick your old man's ass."

Kokoa's eyes widened, "What! You can't!" Her anger flared, "Ohh! You dummy! You'll get yourself killed!"

"Hahaha!" Naruto tittered, then laughed, continuing to do so until the sound of his boisterous laughter could be heard through the heavens and beyond.

"What's wrong with you?!" Kokoa raged, clenching her fists, "Daddy's gonna kill you! Don't you-."

"There's no sense reasoning with him Kokoa," Moka said, ending her little sister's futile attempts to talk sense into Naruto, "The fool's determined to meet his end at Father's hand. Why? I really can't say."

"But Moka!" Kokoa whined, staring up at her sister's dispassionate face with pleading eyes, "We have to do something! Otherwise he'll jus-."

"Oh I'm sorry," Naruto interrupted, his mocking voice ensuring he was far from sorry, "Were you being serious? I just have a hard time comprehending bullshit. Sorry."

"How can you be so confident?" Kokoa asked, "Do you even know who Daddy is and how strong he is?"

Naruto folded his arms over his chest as though he was truly considering her words, "Well, no, but lemme ask you guys something."

The two sisters briefly exchanged blank looks with each other before glancing at Naruto inquisitively. Being the older sister, it fell on Moka to be the spokeswoman of the two, "Go on."

"Can your weak-ass, dense old man do this?" Raising his arm up high as if he was saluting god, Naruto triggered the complete blockage contrived by a tremendously huge shadow of the terrain. "Ta-da!"

Wide eyes, beads of sweat bulleting in waves down their faces, and frozen stiff, the vampire-sisters were the epitome of slack-jawed shitless staring up at a colossal-sized glowing blue nuclear-bomb with a ring of its own twirling around its surface on top of Naruto's hand.

"Is that… Saturn?" Kokoa asked, feeling weak in the knees seeing Naruto's power.

"It's out of our league," Moka whispered, her knees trembling.

Abruptly, the death sphere of doom dematerialized, allowing the sisters to release sighs of relief they did not know they were holding in, "I'll take your silence as a sign that he can't," Naruto taunted, slinging his sack-bag over his shoulder, "That's why I _know_ I can beat your raggedy, stupid-ass old man, 'cuz I've already surpassed transcendence baby!" He turned, swaggering into their father's castle. "Oh, and just for the record, that wasn't even _half_ of my full power!"

The sisters dropped to their knees, the remaining strength giving out. Moka was now finally aware to the ramifications of leading Naruto to her father's domain. Originally, she was just going to bring him to her father's doorstep so he could kill him, but having first hand witnessed a portion of the firepower at the delinquent's disposal she was forced to reconsider.

Oh lordy. Naruto's power dwarfed the military's advanced, city-erasing weaponry, the very weaponry keeping monsters subjugated.

Her father was doomed.

'What have I done?'

Dominance of a Walking Douchebag

 **T**

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Bitchified

Naruto didn't care too much for the scenery of Moka's father's castle. It was just your typical, bland gloomy castle comprising of dark gothic hallways better suited in someone's haunted house on Halloween night or that poorly written Twilight movie he had to watch after losing a bet to his brother. How the hell did that happen? His luck was usually as omnipotent as he was.

Explanation: Karma's a bitch.

Anyway, going back to the expected scope of the castle.

Typical, really, considering the overall generic horror movie-themed setup of the monster-domain.

Well at least there was some light in this hallway he was standing in. Just in front of him were a set of massive doors, very fancy looking.

"Here it is," Naruto quipped, slamming both hands on the doors, shoving it open in a brassy manner, not even getting a flinch out of a silver-haired man arrogantly sitting on his throne, "S'up bitch. Where's the party at?"

"Insolent trash," He said in a disturbingly familiar gruff tone Naruto familiarized with a famous voice actor who played many prominent characters in anime.

Of course the one Naruto picked out was Chris' arguably most renowned character, seeing as he originated from one of the most acclaimed anime/manga series of all time, "Is that you, Vegeta?"

Red eyes narrowed in a scowl, "What?"

"Not Vegeta?" Naruto asked, sizing up the latest addition to his bitch squad with a teasing expression, "Then how about Kuwabara? Does that ring any bells?"

"Do not compare me to such trash mortal!"

Naruto doubled over in laughter, "You actually watch anime!" He chortled, "Man! I was just joking before. Talk about an A-class sucker in the making!"

"I don't have the patience to deal with such nonsense," His eyes glowed malevolently, "Begone you filthy human trash!"

A wave of cool air washed over Naruto's body, though the rupturing of the vampire lord's wall reminded NaruJesus it was far from just a light breeze. It might as well had been for all the damage it caused Naruto.

"Thank you, sir!" Naruto chirped with mock-courtesy, "May I have another?"

"What!" Inconceivable! How could a mere _human_ just stand there and endure his invisible air waves potent enough to destroy walls as though they were as harmless as a leisurely breeze? Such an occurrence should never happen even in a hundred years.

"So you have some power, for a mortal," He rationalized, trying to regain his composure from the initial shock of the audacious human being more than some upstart hotshot as he stood, his long cloak-like cape fluttering to the ground, "But it will matter not," He declared, needlessly extending an arm for intimation purposes, "I don't know what business you have with I, but it matters not. I will annihilate you for having the audacity to waltz into my castle like you own the place you filthy human trash!"

"Wow, someone needs some lube. lickety-split," Naruto mocked, ignoring the silver-haired man's enraged look to dig through his sack-bag, removing a distinctive silver-coloured cross that made Moka's father widen his eyes.

"That's-."

"Yep!" Naruto shrugged.

"How did you come into possession of my daughter's rosary, _human_?" He demanded.

"Oh I just took it off of her," Naruto explained bluntly, "Tough 'ol girl, ain't she? Kinda makes a guy wonder why any father in his right mind would seal away not only her power, but also her bite. That's essentially plastering a big red sign on her back with the words, 'Take me' to any horny teenage, by which I mean normal."

"Fool! I did that for my daughter's sake!"

"How interesting. So you basically admit sealing away your daughter's spine. What a _loving_ father," Naruto said caustically, giving the man a mock-applause of his hands, "Tell ya what? You couldn't blame her if someone went and knocked her up," He pointed sharply at him, "That would've been your own damned fault for locking her into vulnerability in the first place jerk."

"Fool! As if a scum coul-."

"What? Have his way with her? Of course he could!" Naruto chimed in heatedly, "It's not rocket science you dumb old bastard. Someone as naïve as pinkie Moka is easy pickings for any horny teenage with the natural urge to screw a broad."

"Oh I see. You want to make my daughter a sex slave!" He yelled defensively, "Is that it?" Moka's father's air-circulation was heavily impeded by a strong hand before he was slammed up against the wall with enough force to rupture it, "What?" He gagged, weakly grasping the hand wrapped around his throat. 'I didn't even see him move!'

"Well, now you're just being an irrational prick," Naruto said bluntly, a look of annoyance befalling his features, "Idiot! If I wanted to do that, do you honestly think I would be here now scolding you about this? Use your head, jackass," He buried a sharp knee into his gut, forcing saliva from his mouth, "Aw man. You just spat on me."

Flicking his wrist lazily, the annoyed shinobi tossed Moka's father half way across the throne room, causing him to bounce several times off of the ground as though he was a pebble.

Materializing above Moka's father, Naruto ceased his flight with a double axe blow driven into his spine. The level of potency behind the strike contrived an immense shockwave powerful enough to topple two of the support beams in the room and bury in a massive portion of the terrain around them.

"Ugh!"

"Oh walk it off you pussy. My grandma hits harder than that." No insult of Naruto's held more truth than that one. Tsunade could've literally toppled the entire building if she wanted to with just a punch.

Like a pancake, Naruto flipped over Moka's father with the sole of his foot, a patch of blood drooling from his mouth, "I have no conceivable idea from you are but it's clear to me you're not human."

"Sure, sure. If it helps ya sleep at night then keep telling yourself that, gramps," Naruto asked, opening up his sack-bag, removing a pen and a black notebook, "Now I need ya to jog your name and your signature down in this."

Despite feeling utterly humiliated by the shinobi, Moka's father complied, now only wanting this fight to end so he could quickly erase it from his mind forever, "Fine," He choked out, just managing to prop himself up on his elbows as Naruto lowered himself on his haunches, breezing through the pages of his book to find a suitable page, "You're going to record your victory over me aren't you? You humans are all scum."

"Just do it!" Naruto said, shoving the pen in his hand and slamming the book on the floor beside him. Moka's father sighed, reluctantly signing his soul away to Naruto, putting a secretive smile on his face.

"There." He growled as Naruto whipped the pen from his hand and dragged his book up, eyeing it in amusement.

"Well, _Issa_ , I got one thing to tell ya," Naruto snickered, flashing the front of the book in Issa's face, the vulgar title causing him to widen his eyes, "You're now my bitch!" He bragged, doing a victory dance with a hearty laugh, " _Biotch!_ "

"How insulting," Issa said, slumping to the ground, "Why don't you just kill me and put me out of my misery?"

"Nah!" Naruto waved, "I've grown pretty darn fond of your cute little daughters," He shrugged, "If not for 'em then yeah, I probably woulda iced your naïve ass, old man. Be grateful."

All Issa could do was scowl on the floor. Never in his long years of life did he feel as utterly powerless to protect his daughters as he did now.

"Aw, why the long face gramps?" Naruto teased sadistically, tapping his book of bitches, "You're now the tenth addition to the Naruto Uzumaki Book of Bitches! What an honour, to be bitchified by the one and only Naruto Uzumaki! Chin up!"

"I would rather die."

"It's your own fault for being so naïve," Naruto said, "Seriously, how old are ya?"

"Not that it's any of your concern but I'm centuries years old. I was in power even before you were in your mother's womb, _boy_!" Issa said.

"Centuries years old? Ha! More like a decade if that," Naruto countered.

"How did you come to that conclusion?" Issa asked.

"You've got no common sense for one," Naruto explained, "I just can't wrap my head around the idea of any father locking his own daughter into vulnerability with just general, basic knowledge of the world. Kids are jackasses by nature. Guys can be pricks and gals can be bitches, and if you ain't got the balls to deal with that you're gonna get eaten alive. Teens know this, you dumbass."

"I suppose that was why my daughter was oppressed by the filthy human trash in the human world," He reasoned, choosing to elaborate at Naruto's unintelligent utterance of "Eh", "That was the main motivation behind repressing my daughter's power and cold personality, so she could fit in and make friends. I did it all for her."

"Sure went about it in a retarded way, 'tho," Naruto said coldly, stashing his book and pen away before slinging his sack-bag over his shoulder, turning away from Issa in disdain, "People, kids in particular, will nearly always foster an irrational hatred and fear of others who don't exactly correspond with the norm, almost like they feel threatened by their very existence. In retaliation, they will mercilessly tease 'em to protect their own insecurities. Figured someone of your _vast knowledge_ would know that," He shrugged with insouciance, sauntering away from Issa, "Just know all the emotional abuse pinkie got in the human world was down to your own stupidity. If she was her hardened self she woulda had a fighting chance at least, butttt… you're a dumbass."

'Damn him!' Issa's countenance uncharacteristically scrunched up with sadness.

Naruto stepped out into the open, sensing the energy signatures of Moka and her sister approaching him even before they reached him.

"Naruto!"

"Oh hey Mocha. S'up Ko-chan?" He asked, causing Moka to scowl at the nickname.

"Stop calling me that!" Moka demanded, wishing she had the strength to wipe that teasing look off of his face.

"But why, Mocha? Today had me thinking we had bonded and become such great buddies," Naruto quipped, puckering his lips out at Moka's intense glare.

"Daddy," Kokoa gasped, observing the carnage of her father's throne room in utter disbelief, 'I never thought I would see the day Daddy would be beat so badly.'

"Oh. Don't worry about your old man sweetie," Naruto yawned, "Just roughed him up a bit. That oughta teach him a thing or two about 'percipience'," Naruto snickered, only to feel remarkably put off by the blank looks the sisters gave him, "What? Is there something on my face?"

"We thought you were gonna kill Daddy."

Naruto crossed his arms and turned his head, drawing a small smirk from Moka at his tsundere mannerisms, "While I'm honoured you guys had so much faith in me, I feel the need to emphasis something," He looked them dead in the eyes, "I'm a douchebag, not a murdering monster, alright?"

"What's the difference?" Kokoa asked with big doe eyes.

"Easy," Naruto grinned, flicking the tip of his nose confidently, "A douchebag is like an independent cloud. He does what he wants, when he wants, whenever he wants, consequences be damned," Just before the sisters could pout Naruto's continuance of what makes a douchebag changed their view of him, "However, he has a heart," The girls stared as a incandescent glow conveniently beamed through the window, bathing Naruto in a golden light to accentuate his sincere smile, "And a good moral compass, knowing how to distinguish right from wrong. Sure, the douchebag's greedy, but he won't heartlessly kill simply for his own amusement. That's what differentiates a douche and a murder."

 _"I just don't like to see injustice!"_ Moka remembered Naruto's words from earlier, and smirked almost fondly.

"You're an interesting one, Naruto."

"And you're a sexy one Mocha."

"I told you to stop calling me that!" He skilfully swerved away from her attacks, hands tucked in his pockets.

"Ah!~ What a nice breeze. Hehe."

To think she was beginning to fall for his bad boy charm.

Yeah right!

* * *

 **End of chapter. Turns out Moka's father wasn't such a bad guy after all, just naive. Unfortunately, the "immortal, but still naive being" is a common troupe in anime I've noticed.**

 **The Sage of Six Paths came off as rather starry-eyed to me.**

 **Kaguya was brain dead.**

 **Rukia from Bleach would blush like a teenage girl when teased despite being a century year old being. So would Botan from YuYu Hakusho for that matter. *Sigh.* Goddamn troupe. Almost as annoying as the female-on-male abuse troupe.**


	3. Best Joke Ever

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Panty+Shots**

* * *

"Kokoa seemed pretty damn happy when I destroyed the rosary, huh?" Naruto needled the tsuntsun once locked inside the deredere walking beside him, his arms wrapped behind his head. The blond troll was further baited on when she crossed her arms over her chest defensively, looking away from him, "Aw, c'mon gal. You can't tell me you didn't feel something when she hugged me so appreciatively."

Moka tossed a glare his way, trying to incinerate Naruto's troll face. Quickly realizing such an endeavour would only fuel it, she sighed and turned a contemplative gaze to the lifeless sky above and to whatever unknown land resided beyond.

"Perhaps," She offered, her pride not permitting her to admit Naruto was right.

She knew he was, though.

Even trapped within the walls of the rosary, she was still conscious, and thus was well aware to the troubles the illusionary human-like Moka got herself up to, one of those often being the mouse on the end of Kokoa's fierce tiger pursuits.

"Which is code for, 'I'm too prideful to fess up, so a half-assed, ambiguous answer will have to suffice 'til then'," Naruto quipped with air quotes and a sneer, drawing an annoyed glance from Moka, "I know how your types work."

"Gee. You sure know how to take a hint," Moka said sarcastically.

"Lighten up," Snaking his arm around Moka's shoulder, Naruto perched his chin on her shoulder-blade, ignoring her miffed look at his invasion of her personal space, "You're free to run around, stretch those fine-ass legs of yours, and give saps, what I like to call, your 'know your place' kicks, flashing me in the process."

Moka spared a brief, passing view to her short skirt, noticing whatever length it once had to call itself a skirt was lost in the inflation of her rear, "Yes, it seems the creator of this series was a pervert."

"You're telling me," Naruto grinned roguishly, "There's panty shots up the wazoo in this series. Man! I could barely walk two miles down the road without seeing a broad's skirt flap up, flashing me 'accidentally'," He snickered, "I'll tell ya one thing lady. My old sensei would just love this joint."

"Humph. So he's not the only pervert around here."

"And he won't be the last."

"I'll have to remember to clear out and refill my wardrobe with something more appropriate," Moka noted, "My other half's clothes are just too girly for my tastes."

"Oh, I see. We got a tomboy in the house," Naruto teased.

"Do you ever give it a rest!?" Moka asked in a demanding tone, "And take your hands off of me!" Naruto danced out of her personal space just before she could tussle him off, situating his arms behind his head again.

"You know it," He chuckled, "But seriously, we can hit the town sometime after school?"

"We?" Moka rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah!~" Naruto chirped, "Who else knows the human world better than a human."

"Somehow, I find it hard to believe you're human after the level of power you've displayed to put my father of all beings in his place," Moka said sardonically, smirking at Naruto's toothy grin, "That's no small feat."

"I'm honoured," Naruto said satirically, cleaning his nostrils with his index finger in a show of humility, "But believe it or not I'm a full-bled human from the other side of the galaxy, baby."

"Humph. The other side of the galaxy I can believe," Moka quipped, her smug grin morphing into a playful sneer.

"Gal's got jokes, huh?" Naruto needled, drawing a look of faux innocence from the silver-haired vampire.

"No. Whatever gave you that idea, _honey_?" Moka teased in a delightfully fake sweet voice.

Naruto chortled in good spirits, encouraged to see he had engaged the supposedly too hostile vampire girl in friendly banter. He honestly didn't see why she needed her personality surpassed just to fit in and make friends. She was funny as fuck. Sure, not everyone would take to her kind of humour, harsh and sardonic, but some could've fallen for it.

He was living-breathing proof of the minority that wasn't offended by it and got it. He had such a great time bantering with her he didn't even realize they had reached the school grounds until the sound of a confident gruff voice reached their ears. They may have had teleported for all the scenery they had noticed.

"Hey, Moka!"

With just a passing glance at the speaker Naruto could tell he was a delinquent much like himself. Whether he was real or a mere try-hard… well, only time would tell.

The official green-coloured blazer jacket of the academy was tossed over the delinquent's white dress shirt, which was left untucked. The first three buttons of his shirt were left unbuttoned and his red tie was loosened and his brown hair was gelled back to give him his delinquent image.

"Huh?" He blinked upon getting closer to the two to identity Moka's features, not piecing them together with her, but of the notorious kind of monster others made explicit sure to avoid at all costs, "Are you…" He hesitated, slowly losing his bravado, 'Shit! What the fuck's going on?! Moka misses one day of school and all of a sudden this crazy lookalike chick takes her place!' Her aura alone was suffocating him.

"Nice to see you too, Saizou," Moka said, making the delinquent wince at her cool, cold attitude that hugely contrasted the happy, warm personality the Moka that he knew had, "I assume you were expecting a freebie from my other half, no?"

"No-No-No-No!" Other half? What was she talking about? Was she implying her and the easy Moka were one in the same person? If so, he could really go for a blueprint to tag this supremely powerful and evidently perceptive Moka out for the weak and naïve one.

"Don't you just love me?" Saizou's attention was drawn to the mocking question of Naruto. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy in him seeing the confident delinquent wrap an arm around the powerful woman's shoulder without her biting his arm off, actually remaining docile in his embrace, "If it weren't for me you would have to endure this wannabe putting the moves on ya."

A trace of anger bubbled in the pit of his stomach at being called out as a try-hard, "Hey!" He glared, but was only rewarded with Naruto's signature troll face in return.

"Oh yes, love you so much I just want you to tie the knot around my finger," Moka replied stoically, highly sarcastic in her given assurance.

"Aw."

"Regardless, it would have been unbearably insulting for my vampire of my high class to have to bear being sexually harassed by this insect before us," Moka eloquently admitted, evoking a wince of terror from the confirmation of her breed of monster and the implications of her class from Saizou, "So, I suppose in that sense I do owe you a debt of gratitude."

A gleam shined in Naruto's eye. He moved behind her, slithering his hands down her sides to cup her hips, grinning sassily at her indistinct flinch before conjoining his hands at the centre of her stomach, "Think I'll use that I.O.U now if you don't mind baby," He teased, setting his chin on her shoulder.

Moka glared at him over her shoulder in mild annoyance, but otherwise accepted being in his even more intimate embrace. Only a being of some godly transcendence that could effortlessly see off her father as if he were a child's play thing could freely touch her to show the contenders whose was king.

"What the-?" He tried, but Saizou was unable to repress the cringe that coursed through him seeing the delinquent wrapping a powerful vampire up in a embrace. It was one thing to give another a friendly one-armed hug, it was another entirely to cuddle her to you, bringing her into your personal space, "Who the hell are you?"

In response to his question, Naruto nuzzled Moka's cheek with his own whiskered one with a content purr, closing his eyes for a moment to relax against her, "Who else genius? Her partner?"

"Bullshit!"

"What? You still have the balls to talk back to me like that after seeing me fondle the chick you're scared of?" Naruto sneered, "Gee. I dunno whether it's you being empty-headed or being suicidal that's steeling your cojones, but it sure is funny as fuck!"

"Heh, so you're gonna hide behind your girl, huh?" Saizou attempted in the vain, desperate hope of calling a very much out-there bluff out to bait the blond from behind the powerful vampire, "Heh, you know, that's kinda smart, taking refuge behind an S-class vampire for as pussy as it is."

The classic declaration that often initiated a showdown of "It is on" could not have been more appropriate if it could try as Naruto removed Moka from his embrace, smirking as he swaggered up to Saizou with his hands in his pockets.

Naruto was many things: an asshole, a smart ass, a sloth, a pervert, and a glutton, but a coward? Fuck no.

Even when the likes of Zabiza and Orochimaru could have been considered "godly" to him back in the day, he still would have marched up to them and spat in their faces, bragging that he was going to kick their asses.

"Huh?" Saizou blinked feeling the jab of Naruto's index finger, rolling his eyes to it before setting them on the shinobi's grin that had turned noticeably malevolent.

Wordlessly, he flicked with all the equivalence of a wrecking ball, repelling Saizou back with enough force to send him spiralling through a vortex of condense wind that shaved a few hairs of the by-passers.

"B'itch." Naruto finalized, popping the B in his call.

"I suppose that's your 'know your place' flicks, huh?" Moka needled coolly, but Naruto only blew the imaginary dust off of his index finger as though it were his trademark pistol.

"Naw. That's my, 'Ain't no one got time for dat shit, bitch' flick," Naruto corrected, pocketing his hands before slouching his way up the convenient cleared path way the launching Saizou had created with Moka by his side, ignoring the gawks and not-so subtle whispers of the other monster students flanked on their sides regarding his outrageous strength.

They reached the decidedly floored try-hard in time to find him prying himself from the cratered hole in the side of the school building's wall, dropping to his knees with heavy wheezes.

"So, dipshit." Naruto began casually, sneering as he leaned on Moka's shoulder, "Still think I'm playing or what?"

Surprisingly, the try-hard let out a small laugh, "My bad. Thought you were a human or one of those nerd monsters that's easy prey for monsters like me."

"I am human." That persistence of him being categorized among the powerless beings that only had them tamed by having powerful nukes at their disposal initiated a chorus of laughter from all around him, "What?" He glanced around him funnily, "I am human, damn it!" They laughed right on cue as though he were starring in his very own sitcom and had just uttered a funny line.

"Yeah right. And I'm a big bad demon." Some random no-name in the crowd mocked with noticeable jest.

"Aw man. That new guy sure is funny, huh?"

"Tell me about it. Wouldn't wanna mess with him though."

"No shit Sherlock. You saw how easily he took care of Saizou."

"He's strong and funny."

"What a hunk."

They freely conversed about Naruto as they began clearing out casually, leaving the trolling blond standing in dumbfounded confusion trying to comprehend what in the actual fuck just occurred.

"The fuck just happened?" He asked his companion by his side.

"I told you so," Moka insisted, arms still crossed over her chest, choosing to elaborate at Naruto's unintelligent utterance of eh, "That you being human is just not plausible with the power you possess."

"But I am human."

"So try convincing them." Moka simply recommended as she sauntered forward, leaving Naruto throwing his arms up in frustration before situating his hands on his hips.

"Aw man."

XxX

 **C**

 **H**

 **A**

 **P**

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 **E**

 **R**

 **TWO**

Best. Joke. Ever.

XxX

The first order of business in store for Naruto besides registering himself into the system at the administration office was to have himself an audience with the head master of the academy. Naruto figured if anyone was to initiate an entry in an academy to someone then it had to be the main figure in charge of running the place.

He had Moka lead him to the headmaster's main domain and wasted no time booting open his door with added audacity and impudence. As if the guy that could have potentially destroyed his brother's life deserved any semblance of respect.

"S'up dickhead?" He demanded more than asked of the white-robed figure sitting behind a desk. The first thing he recognized about the man that he related to that weird bus driver was the glowing eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"Need me to refresh your memory?" Naruto asked mockingly, "You have no clue of a random-ass guy dropping a convenient flyer to the dumbest kid in my school?" For convenience sake, he specified off-handedly, "That would be my bro, just so y'know."

With the gears turning in his head, the headmaster gained a look of recognition, "You would be Tsukune Aono's older brother, would you not?"

"Yeah." Well that settled it. This asshole did plan to have his wuss of a brother attend his academy full of monsters for an experience that would have most likely left him traumatized as a consequence.

To his credit the Headmaster didn't try to deny it, "I had hoped Mr Aono could attend."

"Why?" Naruto asked, propping his hands on his hips, "What's wrong with me?"

"You're too eccentric. Unorthodox," He explained bluntly, stroking Naruto's ego a touch. He had always tried to be as unconventional as possible, in his attitude and his fighting style. It was how he was able to survive for so long before he became so disgustingly overpowered, "I needed to induct someone who was normal."

"Yeah, because everybody knows all 'normal' teens are stupid pussies," Naruto smiled, hugely sarcastic in his statement of mock-agreement as he waved his open palms.

The headmaster shook his head at the rude-boy's sarcasm, "I had not factored in cowardice or courage as part of what I consider normality."

"Well you musta factored in something, old man," Naruto snapped, mockingly quoting him, "What was it? Grades? You saw he had low grades, and thought 'Hey, he has low grades. Must be fit in with the crowd. Ideal guinea pig'!"

"I needed to see how a regular human would react to the existence of monsters!" The headmaster snapped defensively. There was only so much ridicule and mockery he could take before he lost his composure and this brat had thrown enough at him to consume his former composure in a forest worth of it.

"Seriously?" Naruto deadpanned, but he only nodded his head, "That's stupid as fuck!"

The headmaster sighed, soothing the increasing margarine he had coming on dealing with the boy. Keeping his composure with Naruto was proving to be an impossible exercise. It was like he was born with the sole reason to wind anyone and everyone up as much as humanly possible.

"Then explain, if you could, how my methods are irrational in your own "unique" words, Mr Uzumaki," He requested, stubbornly holding on to his calm eloquence while smartly, and – to him – giving a subtle jab at the boy.

In return Naruto presented him with the most gobsmacked gawk another soul could give another. The kind of shocked expression that said he was a total idiot was not getting the totally obvious thing he was getting that, "You can't be serious now!" He stressed, "No _normal_ human would _ever_ take in stride the existence of supernatural creatures that probably want to devour 'em. Most would freak the fuck out."

"But you didn't I take it?"

"I'm different," Naruto said bluntly, holding out his arms, "Hell, you all but said it yourself. I'mma crazy overpowered motherfucker." A portion of his immense chakra was released in demonstration of his brassy claim, causing the entire room to break in spider webs cracks, Tobirama-style.

The headmaster could feel it. Feel the intensity of the boy's tremendous power flooding his now ruined office, like an invisible oceanic lake. His air-circulation was blocked up as though he had grabbed him and forcibly submerged him into the pressure of such suffocating oceans. If it were possible the shining dots representing his eyes expended to that of pools.

Before him stood a monster in humanoid form of not only incomprehensible power but also formidable skill. He should've been detected and integrated into Yokai Acadamy already by now, and if not for the fact he had masked his presence to blend in with the crowd he might have been drafted into the academy long before now.

"You see old man," Naruto continued, internally pleased to see his display of power hadn't flown over the headmaster's head. The realization was all over his trembling body, "Humans will always fear the unnatural. It's a natural human response to fear a guy doing shit no other human by all rights should do. You just can't expect any average twerp in the woods to take to monsters."

"It's my belief that humans and monsters may one day live in complete coexistence," The Headmaster stated with an inhale, feeling like his heart rate was beginning to return to normal following the teen's reveal from being more than just some brassy upstart hotshot.

"A belief that'll never be," Naruto assured in reply, being hit with a feeling of déjà vu, 'This guy's reminding me wayyyy too much of Super Gramps Sage, just farrr less powerful.' He mused, "Not unless humans somehow gain superhuman abilities of their own, making that the norm. There can never be coexistence between the two species because that innate fear of monsters will always be there."

"I suppose that would suggest why this project of inducting a human once in the academy every few decades have failed for as long as it has been in motion up until your arrival," He reasoned, feeling coerced in elaborating at Naruto's sharp raised eyebrow in curiosity, "As a being who's existed for centuries, I have had the privilege of carefully integrating humans into the fold of Yokai Academy once after every semester. Sadly, to my dismay, none took to the existence of monsters and each were tr-." He couldn't utter another word of his decidedly convoluted and merciless explanation being flung to the wall of his office by a single punch and pinned there by the exact hand that did the deed in the first place.

'I didn't even see him move.'

"Man, what is wrong with you big-name monster dudes?" Naruto demanded in irritation, shaking his head whilst casually holding the imprisoned headmaster up against the cratered wall, "First Mocha's retarded father, now you. Your motivations are both nonsensical and convoluted as fuck!"

A single gasp escaped the void of his mouth at Naruto's reference to his fellow powerful comrade, "Wait! Are you referring to Issa Shuzen?"

"Yeah, that dumb motherfucker," Naruto clarified in complete disdain and coldness. Contempt he channelled by dropping the headmaster unforgivingly on his rear, peering down at him with a ruthless, chilling gaze, "Took my gal Mocha to his yard and shove that Rosary down his fuckin' throat too!" Which reminds him, "Oh, that reminds me, you won't be seeing that fake pinkie Moka anymore. The only one you'll be seeing from this day onward is the legit one, you feel?"

The Headmaster was floored, both literally and figuratively. He was truly in the presence of a boy.- No, a _man_ wholly capable of crushing two of the dark lords without even exerting himself. A true God-among-Gods, forcing him to answer to his sins of trying to force empathy between different species through sacrificial means.

"May I have your name my lord?" The Headmaster requested with sudden obedience, pushing himself forward on one knee in a bow.

Naruto paid his sudden subservient stance a quick glance before concluding he was just smart to realize the sheer godlike difference in their power levels, "It's Naruto, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Very well," He pressed his forehead against the cracked flooring of his office, "Please forgive my transgressions, Naruto-sama."

"S'not me you need to apologize to," The blond said, removing his book of bitches from his sack bag, "It's the kids whose lives you ruined by having 'em integrated into this wacky place and their families that you need to apologize to, to begin atoning for your sins."

"I will, milord."

"Good. Now get your name in that book biotch cuz from this day onward, you're now the eleventh addition to the great Naruto Uzumaki book of bitches. Feel honoured, to be bitchified by your lord and saviour Naruto Uzumaki."

XxX

Business concluded with yet another centuries old naïve monster, Naruto sauntered out of the office with his hands in his pockets to be met with the cross visage of his companion, arms wrapped underneath her gorgeous bosom.

"What?" Naruto asked with a shrug.

"Since when was I your "gal" Naruto?" She asked, looking displeased.

"Gal, please," Naruto waved, "You and I both know you became mine by the time I had you pinned to that trunk."

Moka pouted, twirling away from him in disdain, "A superior display of strength does not give you hold over me."

"Sure does, babe," Naruto insisted, rolling up to her. He snaked his arms around her waist, setting his palms at the flat of her stomach, smirking toothily at her scrunched-up expression of barely contained pleasure, "Ever heard of the alpha male? That's me."

'Damn him and his powers of repression,' The silver-haired vampire mused, though made no actions of relieving herself from the comforting warm embrace she was in, 'I feel like my other half,' It wasn't just his overpowering strength that kept her docile even in her self-willed form – though it certainly helped. There was just _something_ about him, something he continuously emitted.

Like a protective blanket of warmth it shrouded her form, reassured her of her safety around this man and drew her in.

"Eh, what's up Mocha? Looks like you're enjoying yourself there," Naruto teased, drawing Moka's attention to the subtle moans she was letting out. Even her defensive folded arms posture was easing up as her arms slowly began to fall to her sides.

"Oh shut up you!"

"Hey, don't get angry at me for pointing out the obvious, my little tsundere."

"You forget I wasn't the only one in that little club, _dear._ "

Naruto chuckled heartily at the reminder before smiling warmly at her silver crown, "Yeah, I remember," He assured, drawing a snicker from the girl, "C'mon, let's hit the café. I'm starved," Without permission or outward protest from her, Naruto casually swept the swooned vampire girl off of her feet and into his arms before setting off at an easy pace, "I'm glad you're starting to warm up to me baby."

'You fool,' She mused harshly, though still curled herself against him, 'That was inevitable. Out of all the people I've encountered as my other half you were the only one to look past her to find the real me.' Naruto saved her, no matter how she tried to slice it. If it wasn't for him, if he hadn't of come along and found her as he did, she would still be imprisoned in the walls of the rosary, forced to watch as an illusion of her lost innocence lived a life she could only dream of.

He didn't have to do that. He could've led the fake Moka by the hand and used her for sexual release as most teenage boys most likely would've done, but he didn't do that. The anger he radiated for the injustice she faced was evident and authentic and it touched her in more ways than she would be willing to admit.

"Naruto."

"Yeah baby girl?"

"Thank you. For everything."

Naruto smiled warmly at her.

"Don't mention it."


End file.
